Reason #287

C hates the overhead lights that come with the apartment (any apartment). HATES them. I turned the overhead on in the kitchen so I could mop with some accuracy, and this is what happened:

“I actually can’t imagine how people live in that kind of light. I mean—”

“You know what you are?”

“What?”

“Easily parodied.”

“Come on. I’m serious. It looks like a…like a giant space turd. A giant, floating iridescent space turd.”

“Now you’re just grandstanding.”

(Pause.)

“What’s with dinner?”

“What do you mean, what’s for dinner? You’ve been talking about what we’re having for dinner for the last six hours.”

“No, I said what’s WITH dinner.”

“I thought I was going to do laundry and you were cooking dinner. Aren’t you cooking dinner?”

“Well, I obviously can’t cook in there with that kind of light.”

Then, three hours later, from the bathroom:

“I cannot believe you can look at me with this hair.”